


Bone Shoes Belt Window Car

by mercutiglo



Series: Jonny's Season Two "Ideas" [3]
Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Boneturning, Gerard isn't really that integral, Jared works in some shops, also jared was confused by gerry's emo hair and used they/them because my hc is nb gerard, jared is also pan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-14
Updated: 2019-07-14
Packaged: 2020-06-27 22:27:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,260
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19799026
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mercutiglo/pseuds/mercutiglo
Summary: Jared's just trying to make a shitty living okay, this poor man is doing retail.





	Bone Shoes Belt Window Car

“Hi, can I help you find anything today?” Jared sounded and looked about as pleased as any other 27 year old working at a charity shop. The woman that came in appeared to be a bit older than him but clearly someone who was trying to look as fashionable as possible while spending as little as possible. 

“You know, you just might. I’m looking for some kind of white shoe, preferably not too shiny and heels if possible. Something that would go with this dress,” she said as she pulled out a dress from her massive black handbag. The dress was an emerald green color, pearls dotting the bodice and hems, shockingly short in the front while trailing on the ground in the back. “I’ve also been thinking about trying to find some black ones that are almost rainbow, sort of like petrol? What do you think?”

Jared tried his best to seem interested, since there wasn’t anyone else he could pass the questions off onto, but he really wasn’t the best at fashion besides knowing that neither black nor white was necessarily the right color for that dress. But he knew what he could do. “I think… White is the right color. To go, uh, with the pearls. What size shoe are you?”

“A women’s 5 and a half, but I can squeeze into a 4 if necessary.” The woman was wandering the cluttered shop, picking things up off of shelves and then setting them back down, subtly organizing things a bit as she did so, although Jared was almost certain that there were things going into that massive bag of hers.

“You know what, I think, uh, there’s a pair of…. Heels, just came in yesterday, they should be just your size. Let me check, I think they’re in the back.” He ducked behind a curtain that separated the rest of the shop from the area where they kept things that hadn’t been priced yet. Normally he wouldn’t care, but this woman was attractive. Not his type, but pretty nonetheless, and if he could make a sale, he might be able to keep up conversation long enough for her number. He knew there weren’t any pairs of shoes in back that were anything remotely similar to what it sounded like this woman was looking for, but he did know that if she was looking for something white, now that was something he could probably take care of. He didn’t usually like to give anything up, but again, maybe if she didn’t notice the material and bought them, even if she didn’t give him her number he might be able to keep tabs on her and ask her out a different time.

He had a femur he wasn’t using, and grunted as he pulled it out. He let out a bit of a grunt, and from the front of the store he heard “Are you alright back there? Do you need some help?”

“No I, uh,” he cleared his throat. “No, just hit the corner of a, um, table. They’re on a high up shelf, just a moment.” He took the femur in his hands and broke it in two. The snapping noise was louder than he was expecting. “Don’t worry about that, it’s alright.” He looked at a pair of heels that were sitting on the shelf next to him and molded the two halves of the femur into a pair of pretty, bone white heels. He brought them out to the front of the shop and placed them on the counter where the woman was standing. “These look about like what you were looking for?” 

Her eyes lit up as he set them down. “Oh my goodness, these are gorgeous!” She set her bag down and kicked off the heels she was already wearing, slipping on these new bone heels. She walked around in them a bit, swaying from side to side. “I love them, but they’re certainly an interesting material. Do you have any idea what they’re made out of? Or who they’re by?”

He hadn’t anticipated he was going to be asked either of those questions, and hadn’t prepared answers. He just shrugged. “No clue.”

She was holding the shoe up now, looking more closely at it. As she was looking at it, Jared could see some blood clinging onto the pores in the bone, small specks of dark marrow where it hadn’t been mixed in properly. She looked up at him, no smile on her face and her eyebrows furrowed. “Do you know what this is made of?” This time she asked it much more pointedly, and there was no way to get out of it. 

“If I say I’ll let you have them for free will you stop asking questions?”

There were some advantages to being the Boneturner, like when a disgusted woman throws a bone shoe at your face, and instead of hurting, it just feels like something’s going right back where it belongs while she runs out the door.

\----

The were other shops where he tried the same trick on a few other attractive patrons looking for something white, but those times as well it didn’t end well and he figured taking the resignation was better than trying to explain anything to anyone. 

It worked once though. As a used car salesman, one of his lowest lows, he had to fix up a few holes in the paint of a white car, and just took a bone to the scratches like a crayon and fixed them up almost as good as new. Most people noticed that there were some patches where the color wasn’t quite the same, but Jared usually was able to convince people that the scratches came from a previous owner, and definitely not from any other business that Jared might’ve been conducting aside from his actual job. 

Some teenage kid came in and they were asking for the cheapest car available that would work for a while. Jared knew the look of them, and asked if their parents were around or how they would be paying for it. The kid said they had cash, and pulled out two hundred pounds and pushed it towards Jared. Jared slowly reached for the money, eyeing the kid, who simply sat back and let Jared take the money. He knew exactly which car he would be selling to the kid. “Follow me, I think I know just the car for you.”

Jared brought the kid out to the lot, and brought them to his little project, his most recent set of paint patches a bit brighter than the rest of the car. “This is the cheapest one you have? I’m looking for something shitty, something inconspicuous.” 

Jared looked at them, then looked back at the car, then back to his young customer. “Believe me kid, y-

“It’s Gerry.”

Jared paused for a moment. “Well…. Believe me, Gerry, this is the cheapest one we’ve got. It’s got some dents and scratches, a bit of a smell, and the gas mileage is awful.”

“Yeah, I know, you’ve done some killing at night with it and have fixed up the paint job yourself. I don’t even care, I just need a car you’ll let me drive off in today.”

Jared looked at Gerry, trying to figure out something about the person in front of him - namely, if they were a person at all. He stuck out a hand, not necessarily the proper one, and Gerry didn’t even blink at it. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

**Author's Note:**

> This got far longer than I anticipated tbh and also far more serious than this should've been. My other plan for this prompt was "man door hand hook car door" but then I thought jared working in retail is funny. (also i put some like, british words in there please know i'm very american so if i used them wrong..... oh well)
> 
> per usual, kudos/comment/subscribe to make a fic writer's day, stay tuned for the next installment


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